Here I go again. For a short while I thought I wouldn't to vent here again, but seems like I was mistaken.

Sometimes I feel like I'm too rough on my friends, excluding the two I can really rely on. The ones from Tampere are delighted to see me from time to time, sure, but they couldn't be bothered to check up on me, much less care about my problems. Even meeting them is hard, they always seem to have something better to do, even when I don't visit that place so often. With one of them I lost completely hope last year and I couldn't care less if I never saw her again. Some I didn't like in the first place, but with the rest it would be nice to keep contact...if only they didn't take me for granted all the time.

Speaking of which, one of my oldest friends has found a new group of friends through her "hobby", and now she doesn't have time for her old friends. Even I have been put on the top shelf, even though she once said I was her best friend. She skipped my birthday, won't be coming to our friend Laura's birthday, both because she rather spends time in fashion shows and tea parties. She didn't have money to buy me a present or even some candy for the birthday, but she does find money to buy more clothes, accessories and fancy food while visiting several cities with her new buddies.

I'm sorry if I sound self-centered, but I...don't think people realize just how lonely and sad I can be. Nowadays only my boyfriend asks how I'm doing and really means it: not wanting to hear that stupid "Oh school is this and that and yesterday was sunny and blahblahblah". It really means so much to me that there is someone to hold and love me, but sometimes I fear that taking care of me is going to be a too big of a task for him alone. I wish that...sometimes the others would just listen. I tried to tell me friend, the one that has seemingly abandoned me, but she just countered with her own problems. They all do... guess I just don't understand, I usually do not speak of my problems so I may have too big expectations.

The less they pay any heed to me the more frustrated I get and I suppose that can be seen as bitchiness in FB. I don't know if that's why people have stopped commenting but it still hurts. Do they not see?

Sometimes I'm just a scared little girl who really needs her mommy to come back in life and hug her real tight...